Sherlock's coming out
by IShipSoManyThings
Summary: Sherlock has a breakdown because of John but things are going to turn into something completely unexpected.. JOHNLOCK, Fluffy ( /!\ contains allusion to drug)


HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY

So this is my first fanfiction on this website so please be kind ToT

I hope you'll enjoy my story, sorry if there are miskatkes, I am french and I don't really pay as much attention to grammar and other mistakes as I should do, I had a friend who corrected my work, but there might be some typos and other boring stuff, please don't mind ^^'

OH! and by the way I wrote this just before the first episode of season 4 was released so I predicted that Sherlock will be Rosamund's godfather XD

I'll stop with my bullshit, have a good time! :D

* * *

It finally happened. John and Mary gave birth to a little creature also called a « baby » and Watson asked Sherlock to be the godfather.

This is where we are, our detective laying on his bed, his arms crossed and heavily thinking, crying a bit, broken inside and alone. Mrs Hudson was not there and even if she was, she would not understand the situation Sherlock is going through.

He was tired. Tired to act as if he had no heart or feelings, tired to act as if everything was fine for him. Faking his death for so long had been the worst thing he has ever done. Mary got into John's life while he was not able to look after John, for (and because of) John moreover.

He had to stand still and act like everything was fine when Watson proposed to Mary, he had to fake his disappointment when John accepted Mary after what she did, he had to fake his smile at John's wedding where he was nothing else than his best man. And he will have to make a fake, joyfull «yes!» about being the godfather of the baby. An unknown little girl that will take him even more far away from John. He will have to act like he was happy about the baby, Mary's baby.

Sherlock sighed, opened his drawer, and took something hidden under his shirts. He took some powder out of a little wooden box, mix it in a syringe and press the needle into his skin. « _Maybe the drugs can make the pain a bit less difficult to handle »_ he thought.

« Why am I so bad at this, I mean, hello! I am Sherlock, right? Way more clever than the average, so why do I suck when it comes to this?! » said Sherlock, starting to shout at the end of what he just said. « Why can't I have MY happy ending?! Why do I have to be alone at the end everytime?! Why Am I... » he paused and started to cry, while he started to lay on his bed again. « Why do I have to be in love with... him?... Mycroft was right, caring is not an advantage. I do not have a place in his life anymore, I have to do the same thing as John did and move on.. » He stood up all of a sudden and started screaming and walking in circles « I did so much for him! Everything that I do is thought so it is the best for him or that it would implie him being impressed by me! » He stayed still in his dark room for about a minute or two, trying to stop his tears and making himself look decent. « John, stop listening at the door, it is very impolite and disrespectful. » He finally said, in a very sad, even deadly tone.

Watson slowly opened the door, looking like he was guilty. He just stared at Sherlock for probably five minutes. « Why is your arm bleeding? »

« An experiment. Why were you listening right behind my door? » said the detective in a cold and emotionless way.

« I.. I just got home, I did not hear much. I just heard that you wanted to impress someone. » hesitated John.

« John Hamish Watson. Don't you dare try to lie to me! » he said while getting closer to John.

« Look at your forehead, I mean you can't but, you are sweating, first obvious sign of lying, second of all, I can easily notice your way of breathing is different from usual, you are breathing too fast and too heavily, proof that something is wrong in what you say... » He stopped. « Or.. What you will say.. What are you coming for in the first place? »

« Well, er.. » John hesitated « I was only coming to ask you if you wanted me to buy some food since you are too scared to talk to anyone in a store and also..»

« What else John? »

« … If you thought about being Rosamund's Godfather. »

Sherlock stopped. He suddenly became as still as a stone. _« what do I do? I want to avoid this kind of conversation so badly »_ He faked collapsing on the floor.

John rushed to him « Sherlock! What is happening?! »

« I...I might have taken some drugs... » He'd rather have John yelling at him than answer his question.

« What? Are you serious? You said you were going to stop, for me, Sherlock. » John sighed and put his hand on Sherlock's forehead to take his temperature. « Why do you keep doing this to yourself? »

« Why do you even take the time to care about the fact that I have relapsed into my drug addiction for about three weeks now? » angrily asked Sherlock while slowly pushing Watson away.

« Alright. » He sighed annoyingly « What is really happening Sherlock? Why did you start taking drugs again? Why do you seem so mad at me? Is it because I didn't name my child Sherlock? Don't tell me it is why you are so grumpy you git. »

« Of course not, don't be more stupid than you are. It has been three weeks since I've started taking drugs again because there is too much stress for me.. »

« Is there a case you didn't tell me about that makes you feel so much pressure, we've talked about this you are not supposed to do cases without me and.. »

« It has NOTHING to do with what is wrong with me » said Sherlock, slightly losing his self-control « Everything that happens to me, good or bad, it always has a link with you! And I keep fighting for nothing because, me, «the great Sherlock Holmes» is unable to make my feelings operate in the way they are supposed to!» He stopped and turned around so John would not see his face, mostly because he was starting to cry.

John opened his mouth and closed it, thought for a few second and finally spoke « wh.. What is that supposed to mean Sherlock, are you in love with... Are you in love with Mary? »

The detective literally facepalmed himself « Since I'm losing you anyway, I am going to be honest until the end. I am NOT in love with Mary, I think I'd rather date Moriarty himself than Mary, her name might not even be Mary! Whatever. I loathe her so much! » He turned back to face Watson again, despite his tears. « I left you for more than 2 years to save you. Moriarty said that if I didn't die, my friend will, so I faked my death to protect you and.. » He stopped to take his breath. « I had so much plans for the future, but I guess I came back too late... She was already there, stealing the place I selfishly considered as mine... I guess I was wrong, I should not, I should never... »

« Are you... in love with me? » shyly asked John.

« Well bravo John! How did you never manage to come to that conclusion? » Said Sherlock with sarcasm and spite.

« What..But since when? What about the girl you dated? »

« You never noticed that I was never attracted to women? It might be for a reason. »

« I.. I am speechless.. I have never thought you'd be.. »

« Gay? Well, yes I am. In love with a married man, who is also a father by the way. I had to be in love with the most heterosexual person on Earth!... »

« Why didn't you tell me before you faked death? So I had the whole time to think about it and because you knew you were going to come back. » sighed John

Silence.

« I... actually didn't think about it.. » admitted Holmes.

« You should have told me sooner.. AND you are blaming me but, you, apparently did not notice either »

« Noticed what? I know everything. » asked Sherlock.

« Did you notice that since the beginning I tried to flirt with you? »

« of course I... Wait what? You flirted with me? » questionned the genius.

« It was supposed to be with you but it was more at you, since you did not reply... Wait.. I have the feeling that something similar happened, I don't know why.. » wondered Watson.

« Were you interested in me? »

« Yes, of course I was, you don't flirt with someone if you are not interested Sherlock. »

« But you said you were not gay, and yet, I have not noticed anything that can show that you are actually homosexual. »

« I wanted to try something else, and thinking about dating you did not make me feel weird at all, I guess this makes me a bisexual. »

Sherlock was deeply shocked and disappointed by himself. He sat on his bed and continued to cry in silence. Thinking that right now he could have been kissing or hugging John if he had told him his feelings sooner made him very sad and angry at himself. He had lost John's love because of his incapacity to express his human feelings. « Leave me alone John, please. »

« No. » said john. « I perfectly know that you are going to do an overdose if I leave you alone. »

« Why does it matter now? » Sherlock looked at John « What do I have now? »

John checked the flat. Nobody except Sherlock and him. John came back to Holmes's room. « Stop acting so childishly... Stand up, come on. »

Sherlock sighed and accepted, he then stood up. « What now? »

« I am not supposed to do that, but it has been since 2010 that I wanted... »

« Wanted what John? »

John suddenly grabbed Sherlock's face, stood on his tiptoes and kissed Sherlock, who's face became as red as a tomato.

« John.. What was... » He made weird hand movements « that? »

« A kiss. »

« You are a married father! »

« It has been six years since I've wanted you for myself, now that I finally have the occasion to have you I was not going to leave this opportunity. » answered Watson.

« You just cheated on your wife with me! »

« Shut up with Mary, right now, right here, you are the one I want to love. Mary owes me this. »

« what do you mean »

John sighed « I recently discovered she has been cheating on me pretty regularly. »

« I am sorry.. But I still think this is not right we should not do..»

« Shut up and kiss me Sherlock » said John with a smile.

Sherlock bit his lips and hesitated in front of a john with closed eyes waiting for their lips to join. _«What do I do?»_ Then, he stopped wondering and kissed the man he always loved, the man he wanted so badly, the man he'd suffer for, the man who made him smile like no one ever did, his man.

* * *

Here you go! I really hope you like it, please take the time to leave a review I really to know what you think of it and maybe how I can improve my writting ^^

Have a nice day/evening/night! :D


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